I listened as she narrated the challenges and what had happened to her the last few days.
I had my coach hat on and had my best listening gear on too. But to be honest, after about 10 minutes of listening it started to feel like stuck energy. That’s when I paid attention to her words. It didn’t take long to decipher the respective pattern of I struggle, I can’t, I have tried.
I could hear it over and over in every sentence. ‘I have tried to get it done’, ‘I struggled with my schedule’, ‘I can’t get over this feeling that I am not good enough’.
At this point, I stopped her talk and gently offered her to backtrack and look at some of the words she had been using to describe her endeavors. Then I asked her to describe how those words made her feel
Her response was that they made here feel tired and dis-empowered and wanting to give up before she even started. The interesting thing is that her use of language was so automatic, she wasn't even aware of it until we had that conversation.
Words are important; they are an outer symbol of how we feel inside.
When you listen closely to a persons words, you have an idea of how they relate to and construct experiences.
Studies also show that the language we use affects how we experience the world. It impacts mundane things like how we like our coffee and life changing decisions like where to live
Successful people understand this dynamic between words and experience so invest time and energy to create a thriving atmosphere for their language
Here are 6 commonly used dis-empowering words and the alternative words or phrases that you can use to turn your language into a power machine
This one is so universal and one of the most commonly used phrases. Notice what happens when you tell yourself 'I Cant', your energy automatically contracts to match the smallness of the language. Keep telling yourself I can’t and notice how your body starts to feel very small. The thing with I cant is it's so absolute and final that there's very little room to maneuver once it's activated
Alternative: Instead of I cant, use I choose. For example, rather than saying I can’t enroll on this programme right now you say I choose not to enroll on this programme right now. It can feel challenging to use the choose alternative when you genuinely feel you cant so here's a practical tip. Next time you sense I cant coming up, stop and ask what are the options available. This will expand your awareness of other choices.
Lean into this one for a second and feel what it does to your energy. Whenever you say to yourself I am struggling with… what you do is automatically erect obstacles in your way to match the energy. Struggle always creates a tension and a tightening in your energy. The thing with struggle is the moment you introduce it, you automatically move into pushing and striving. So if you want to achieve things with ease, it is worth eliminating this word from you vocabulary
Alternative: Instead of I struggle, use I am open to exploring new ways of doing this. Or I am curious about this. Feel the difference in the two approaches. I am open to exploring, eases up the tension.
I am struggling to find my passion in life becomes I am open to exploring different ways of discovering my passion. I am curious about what other ideas are out there for discovering my passion
I am confused
The statement 'I am' in and of itself is a very powerful statement. It announces your state of being. Anything you use after ‘I am’ becomes true for you. When you say I am confused, you activate a state of confusion. I am guarantees that.
Alternative: Instead of activating the state of confusion, define what you want and then say it. For example, I am confused about what to do next in my marketing becomes I choose to get clear about my next marketing steps. Can you feel the difference?
Here’s the thing with the energy of wanting, for as long as you are wanting, you are in a state of not having what you want. Think about it. If you want a glass of water, that means you don’t have it. If you keep wanting it, you keep reinforcing not having it.
Alternatives: Instead of I want, use desire, like or choose. For example, I want a glass of water becomes I would like a glass of water. I want to travel becomes I have a desire to travel. Notice the difference
Don’t worry about it
This is a common one that is used as a way to reassure but it actually achieves the opposite. If I say to you don’t think about the blue elephant, what do you do? Exactly, you just thought about the blue elephant. So emphasizing the worry is counterproductive because it focuses you on the worry. What would be beneficial is to focus your language on the outcome
Alternative: Instead of saying dont worry, use trust. Trust is the opposite of worry. And when a person says don't worry what they are really saying is trust that it is all ok. So again, this is a case of state what you actually want. Don't worry about your exams becomes trust that you will pass your exams. Same message different emphasis
I am learning
This is a contentious one and I have included it to disrupt your thinking on your whole approach to learning.
Learning presupposes that there's something you dont know the knowing of which would make you complete in some way. This means when you activate the language of learn, you are automatically placing yourself in a position of lesser than. Many people never stop to consider the negative impact of using learning in certain situations and that's because being a learner is considered to be always positive.
Alternative: Instead of saying I am learning use the word explore. Explore focuses you on the process which makes you more likely to adapt to whatever shows up. It also takes away the lesser than feeling that learning can activate. Learning tends to focus you on the destination. For example, I am learning how to market focuses you on the destination called marketing. On the other hand, I am exploring different ways to reach my target market focuses you on the process which gives more allowance for your own unique approach
Those are my six phrases that can turn you into a powerful creator. Which one ones did you connect with? Let me know in the comments box